As I experience all the ‘first anniversaries’ of bereavement it has come home to me more and more the significance of my Honeysuckle blog at the beginning of the year. As I awoke this morning – even before I got out of bed, I was away that my back was very unstable. I took it very carefully and showered and dressed and then meditated and took essences, first Oak to give me support and strength. I tapped (EFT) on the weakness and felt a wave of sickness – which I tapped on and then realised I have been feeling this on and off all year. After a Rapid Sequence Healing with Bach essences I feel stronger – back is stong again and I feel positive and lively.
I then got to thinking about this process and looked up the date – today is the anniversary of Phil’s diagnosis! I am totally awed by the accuracy of my cellular memory, it is far more accurate than my cerebral one. I am also aware that it is imperative that I do not push these feelings away, don’t worry I have no intention of wallowing in them, but I do want to be able to integrate them and accept them and love them as a very natural reaction to those particular events. I can clearly hear our dear friend and mentor Thomas Chevaz reminding us _ ‘What you resist PERSISTS’ so no resistance and plenty of Honeysuckle to help the loving acceptance and integration of the events both a year ago today and over the weeks and months after it. I am also aware that it was the feeling prior to that, that helped to manifest the experience in the first place so I must accept and integrate that understanding as well.
I am fascinated by the power of the memory of our cells and am beginning to understand that our minds – that we think we can influence and control with consistent positive thought, are very happy to collude with us when actually the hurt, shock, fear, anger or what ever other emotion is affecting us, is simply being mopped up by another level of consciousness; our cells! This is a life saving reaction, we could otherwise be over whelmed by events, however the responses do need to be reintegrated and accepted by the whole body and mind to negate the possible damage that would be caused by long-term resistance. It is also why as time goes on they will release trauma though the body in small bites that we can process and accept, like a stream that can deal with a small amount of pollution, but would be over whelmed by too great an onslaught.
I am just more and more in awe of this incredible temple -home that my soul has been lent to experience this existence. Its intelligence and ability to mentor, help, protect and inspire me through out this wonderful journey we call life is awesome.
With love and blessings Anna x
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I was very moved by this. The first anniversaries of grief are often some of the hardest. One of our many patterns is that of renewal. Here if you feel the cell is in solitary confinement! x